Trump's 51st State? Nope, Canada's Saying "Hold My Poutine!"

By Megan Morris 2 min read Favorited by: 0 user

Okay, let's get one thing straight right off the bat. I'm Canadian. Born and bred. I bleed maple syrup, apologize excessively, and love my poutine (don't judge). So, when I heard about the buzz south of the border – a certain president floating the idea of annexing Canada – I choked on my double-double (that's a coffee with cream and sugar, for you non-Canucks).

I mean, seriously, Mr. Trump, have you been here? We're not exactly clamoring to trade our polite disagreements for... whatever that is you guys are doing down there.

But, because I'm Canadian and constitutionally obligated to be agreeable (except when it comes to pineapple on pizza that’s a debate I’ll never let go).

Now, I'm no political scientist (my expertise lies mainly in perfecting my grandmother’s maple tart recipe), but I can tell you right now, as a proud Canadian, the chances of us joining the U.S. right now are about as likely as finding a polite goose. And according to recent polls, a whopping 90% of Canadians agree with me! 90%! That's practically unanimous! We're more divided on whether pineapple belong on pizza than we are on this topic.

Reasons Canadians are politely but firmly dismissing the notion of becoming the 51st state:

1. We Value Our Healthcare System: This is a significant factor. Universal healthcare, funded through taxes yet accessible to all, is a fundamental aspect of Canadian identity. The prospect of navigating the complexities of the American healthcare system fills us with dread. We would much prefer to encounter a moose on the Trans-Canada Highway.

2.. We Embrace Peace, Love, and Poutine: Truly, we are a nation that values peace. The thought of becoming entangled in the daily turmoil of American politics makes us want to retreat to a log cabin and only emerge for a game of hockey. And as for poutine? It is a national delicacy that we are not willing to share. 

3. Our Geese Are Fierce Enough: We have enough drama in our lives already. We contend with aggressive geese that will defend their young with fervor. Introducing American political debates into our lives would only add fuel to the fire, resulting in complete chaos.

4. We Are Well-Equipped for Snow: We have been managing snow for centuries. Our expertise with snow tires is unmatched, and we can easily distinguish between freezing rain and sleet. We certainly do not need any more sensational "snowmageddon" headlines, thank you very much.

5. The Dilemma of Accents: Can you picture the existential turmoil of a Canadian compelled to adopt a southern drawl? It's a nightmare! We take pride in our subtly charming accent, and the most thrilling moment we usually experience is when someone mispronounces the word "about."

So, to our American friends contemplating taking us under their wing, I say this: We appreciate the thought, truly. But we're perfectly happy up here in the Great White North. We have our snow, our moose, and our beer. We wouldn't trade it for anything.

In conclusion, a little summary of what Canadians would rather do THAN to be the 51st State :

• Watch paint dry.

• Listen to Justin Bieber on repeat.

• Shovel snow in July.

• Argue about which province makes the best poutine .

So, let's raise a glass of Molson Canadian to our independent spirit and our unwavering love for all things Canadian. May we continue to be the politely stubborn, hockey-obsessed, maple syrup-loving nation that we are. And may we never, ever, become the 51st state.

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Author

Megan Morris

Meghan Morris is not just a freelance writer - she is a force to be reckoned with in the world of writing. When Meghan isn't immersed into her writing, she dedicates her time and energy to her role as an Activation Coordinator. Apart from her writing and career, Meghan is also a passionate traveler and a self-proclaimed movie lover.